yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Randomize
