So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize