If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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