why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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