RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
