I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
