Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
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