I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
