just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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