I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Randomize
