you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
I just googled if crying burns calories
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
