Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
