I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
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