I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
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