worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Randomize
