I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Randomize
