I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
I want her autograph on my taint
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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