I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
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