so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
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