Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
