im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
