I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
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