I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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