guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Randomize
