Can Purell be used as lube?
Is it because I queefed?
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
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