I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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