she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
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