Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize
