I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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