we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Randomize