dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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