This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Someone stole a lamp last night.
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