Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Randomize
