you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
