I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Randomize
