I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Randomize
