well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
