Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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