needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize