what ever happened to devon sawa?
fuck...who knows?
i'm really worried about him.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
