i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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