A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
not ubering you a puppy
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