if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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