I wish I could punch you in the face.
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Randomize
