so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
