I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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