So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
