i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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