You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
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