When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Randomize
