I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Randomize
