She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Randomize
