how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
Bring me that man meat
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
I party with great urgency now.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Randomize
