My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Randomize
