People with herpes should wear stickers.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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