I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Randomize
