are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
