so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
farters have to be the big spoon...
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
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