Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
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