We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Randomize
