Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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